Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Letter for My Sons

At long last, tomorrow we meet you son #2. I think some people talk about waiting 9 months. And 9 months/40 weeks is a heck of alot of time. But the truth is the journey has been so much longer. 5 years really. I remember even as early as when Liam was in the NICU wondering if we were ever going to have another child or if the decision had basically been made for us (we felt at the time we could never risk it again). Throughout the past 5 years it's always been on my mind, sometimes in the back hidden away, sometimes actively discussing the risks with the husband. But it's always been there. So many times throughout we leaned more one way than another. Even last June, we went in for a pre-conception appointment with the perinatologist and had alot riding on the meeting, basically if we had no trust in their care and their gameplan, or if they recommended we NOT try again, we wouldn't have gone forward. And I would not be here about to give birth tomorrow afternoon. Ultimately we would have made peace with that decision, because you have to make peace with what life deals you, and in the words of Mick Jagger you can't always get what you want.

But alas, we went ahead. It's worked out. It's been scary as hell at times. I don't take it for granted. And I won't count my chickens until the baby is here and we are released and start a new chapter in our lives. And I can return the darn blood pressure machine to Kaiser.

My second son and my first son will have had the most completely opposite of birth stories and arrivals. I wonder how your personalities will differ. I can't wait to see your bond develop despite the five-year difference. I wish you both could have had the same opportunity to have been born safely and calmly. I wish son #1 could have had the additional 11+ weeks son #2 has gotten in the womb. But your stories are all part of who I am, and hopefully will have made me the best Mother I could be. It is what it is.

And tomorrow we welcome you to the world!

Edited July 1st: Oh good Heavens! Called the hospital. No beds so we have been bumped a couple hours. Haven't eaten since 4am and can't have anything by mouth. Hoping to get in at 4pm. Oh well I suppose this is the irony of having had an emergency c-section 5 years ago and bumping everyone else out of the way :)


  1. Beautiful... good luck tomorrow. I'll be thinking about you.

  2. You have me teary. I will be thinking of you as well. Good luck!! You have been doing such a beautiful job of expressing yourself in this blog. Thank you for taking us along for the ride. (I can't wait to hear how your son welcomes his little brother! My nephews are 5 years apart. The older one recommended that we wait the same amount of time. He thinks it is the best to have a little brother:-)
    Looking forward to your next post!!!

  3. Hi Tiffany,
    I just found your blog for the first time and it has me bawling! I am also a PE/HELLP survivor. Our son was born at 29 weeks weighing 2 lbs.3oz. Today he's one year old and doing great! Tomorrow my husband and I have a pre-conception appointment with a high risk doctor to decide whether or not to try for #2. Your story gives me hope! I can't wait to read your next post!

  4. Thank you for sharing with us. I am so happy for you and I only dream that a future pregnancy for myself will go as well as yours. Congratulations!