Exercise, Healing and Preeclampsia

This isn't a post about the benefits of exercise in reducing preeclampsia risk or how exercise is beneficial in general before and during pregnancy. No, this is something I have wanted to write about for a long time - how exercise helped me heal in the years after a traumatic train-wreck of a pregnancy. And how it's saved my sanity the past year. I just hope I can put it into words well as it's 10pm and my butt hurts from sitting. Any position hurts lately.


When you have a pregnancy that is troubled, that ends in the worst way you ever imagined, or when things just basically go really really wrong, there is so much questioning afterwards. Anger, sadness, guilt, confusion, helplessness -- all of these feelings that many of my followers I know can relate to -- whether it was preeclampsia or something else that went wrong. You guys know what I'm saying. Especially when you thought you were doing the right things like taking your prenatals, avoiding alcohol, going to your appointments. So many of us end up with a feeling like our bodies failed us somehow. Failed us and failed the children we intended to carry for a full 40 weeks. Comments from folks who do not understand the complex physiological causes of preeclampsia usually don't help either! Some of us recover quickly physically, some of us are left with lingering health issues as a result of whatever developed in pregnancy. Not to mention the huge toll when one has a preemie and all that goes along with that (because prematurity does NOT end with the NICU). Anyway, everyone has their own way of coping. So here's my background:


I was into sports from an early age and in a Track and Field team by the time I was in elementary school. Ran cross-country later, did softball, volleyball, you name it. I did something every season. Got into cycling in high school and did that for quite a while. Went to university and was still a bit active but by my later twenties it was career, dating, other stuff that got in the way and made exercise less of a priority. I got back into running a bit before my wedding in 2002 but it was more to fit into the dress rather than as part of a lifestyle. Husband and I used to mountain bike some in our early years, but then homeownership and working long hours in high-tech sucked more and more time.


I certainly wasn't obese when I became pregnant but looking back wasn't where I had wanted to be. Add in a 1-1.5 hr job commute daily, with somewhat long hours. I think I've already blogged enough about early swelling in my last pregnancy and generally feeling unhealthy plus stress so let's just skip to the next chapter - After Preeclampsia.


In the two years after having my son in 2005, I kept wanting to get into shape but just never found my groove. Well for the first year my energy was focused on my son and his health, after a 76 day NICU stay - getting him to grow, worrying about his preemie lungs, devoting myself basically to helping him recover. My weight and physical fitness were secondary, and I was adjusting to being at home full-time. (I went back to working part-time after a year but from home, ie within 15 feet of the refrigerator).




Finally around October 2007 the stars aligned: a friend took me out on a trail run/walk and I was hooked instantly. She also got me to consider the crazy idea of doing my first triathlon. And another friend was just getting into running (she would go on to lose 100 pounds BTW). We started off with a mile, and tacked it on from there ever so slowly. And then the following June at exactly 3 years to the day I was hospitalized with preclampsia we completed the women's short (sprint) distance triathlon. By that October I ran my first Half Marathon and did two more in 2009 before getting pregnant last October. Attaching a photo from my first Tri and Half Marathon.


Every time I came back from a race, my darling son would see my finisher's medal or ribbon and excitedly ask me if I had won. Because to a 4 year old it's all about winning and being the fastest and nothing else matters. I try to explain to him I didn't, and I probably never will be on the award stand. I will probably never qualify for the Boston Marathon. Of course at 4 he doesn't realize what it's given me.




I don't know how to describe it. A feeling like well I can't control every aspect of my health and why my body developed this crappy syndrome, but I sure as hell can control my weight. I can control my fitness level. I can turn down the odds that say because I had pre-e that my risk of stroke and heart disease are greater. If I want to run 10 miles in one go, yes I have the power to do so if I work for it. If I want to reach the top of this 1,000 foot climb it may take me a year (it did) but each week I will run a bit farther before I stop panting. I cannot control my preemie son's growth nor how long it takes his prematurity issues to resolve but I am in control of my body. And this has given me a wonderful sense of accomplishment and a feeling of taking back what preeclampsia took from me.


I know not everyone gets the same desire, but I can only share what it did for me. Now on to this pregnancy, it has saved my sanity for close to 250 days now. Being in a high risk pregnancy and the worry over the what-ifs. All I can say is when the anxiety has gripped me, nothing has worked better than getting out with my iPod, listening to Desiree's "You Gotta Be" or another tune, getting out of the house, walking with the sun on my face. Putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward.